When to spill the beans and the fear of miscarriage

Currently, I know a dozen or so pregnant women. I have never known so many pregnant women. I have only known about 4 or 5 pregnant woman at any given time.  But now that I am a mom, I am hanging out with more moms than ever before. Some of these expecting ladies will be first time moms and some are having their second child. Some ladies announced their pregnancy as early as 6 weeks and some waited till 14 weeks.  I remember when I was pregnant Goggling, “when can I tell people that I am pregnant?”.  As if there was some law or hardline rule about when to share happy news with the people you love.

We told my father as soon as we knew I was pregnant because that was my father’s request. He had been excited for a while to have a grandbaby finally living on U.S. soil.  I am pretty sure we told a few other close family and friends but I really cannot remember. Thanks to Facebook, I found this wall post from October 20^th 2010:

“Yesterday I got to hear the heartbeat of my baby. And it is starting to look like a baby instead of a squiggle. It was too cool! So it is really official, I am 12 1/2 weeks pregnant, we expect our bundle of joy May 1st. Can't wait to find out if it will be a boy or girl.”  

So why did I wait to announce my news? Part of me wanted to keep the news to a very select few people so it would just be us sharing an exciting secret. Another part of me was afraid that I might lose the baby so I wanted to wait until the first trimester was over. This is an extremely common fear and one of the main reasons people wait to announce their pregnancy.

According to PregnancyLoss.info , the likelihood of a miscarriage is 70% in the first week, then drops to 30% in the 2^nd week, 10% in weeks 3-6 and 5% in weeks 7-12, 3% during the 2^nd trimester and 1% during the 3^rd trimester. HopeExchange.com says that “Approximately 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage; some estimates are as high as 1 in 3. If you include loss that occurs before a positive pregnancy test, some estimate that 40% of all conceptions result in loss.” I know of women who have had miscarriages and my heart goes out to them. I am sure we all know someone who has had a miscarriage even if we are unaware of the miscarriage.  It is something people do not talk about even though it is fairly common.

I have not been through that experience and hope I never do so I can only speculate how I would handle such a loss. I am a person who is very open and honest. I think I would talk about it and I am sure I would write about here to help me work through my feelings. I always feel better after talking and writing about issues. I think it would be helpful for women who experience this type of loss to talk openly about it in a safe environment. That might not be your Facebook wall but maybe it is if that will help you deal with your emotions. I find it can be easier to write something that is too say to say out loud.

If you have never been pregnant, you might not understand that as soon as you know there is a life growing inside of you, you begin to bond with that life and think about your future together. If you lose that baby before you even knew it was there, you will still think about what could have been. It is hard to grieve and morn any death. I can imagine it is more difficult to deal with the loss of someone who never lived outside of your own body because people might not understand and won’t know what to say.  People might not understand how you can be so upset over someone who never saw the light of day and people in general don’t know what to do when a person is dealing with death.

I try to never let fear hold me back from doing something.  Announce your pregnancy when you want to, in a way you feel comfortable whether that be phone, text, email, or Facebook. If you just got a positive pregnancy test and want to tell someone, go ahead.  If your pregnancy ends in loss, I really hope you will tell someone and talk with supportive people. You may find that you know other women who have been through miscarriage and can support each other

Did you know that October 15^th is National Miscarriage and Infant Loss Remembrance Day?  It was started by President Ronald Reagan in 1988. Here is a great site to learn more about it http://www.october15th.com/

While writing this post I found many websites dedicated to breaking the silence surrounding miscarriage.  I thought it was very well put on TheNervousBreakdown.com when she wrote: 

"I was angry because I am expected to carry a triple burden: the burden of fertility; the burden of pregnancy itself; and perhaps most of all, the burden of silence if a pregnancy is lost."

Let's try to make our burdens as light as possible.

Mom’s Day Out

I recently enjoyed my very first day away from my 21 month old son. Last summer I had hoped to get a weekend away but I also did not expect him to still be nursing. In the fall of 2011 I did spend about 5 hours away but that was the longest we had ever been apart until this past weekend. When I left him for that 5 hour stretch I was worried about him and how my husband would cope, this time I was all “Peace out suckers!”

That morning I woke up before the baby, excited as if it were Christmas morning.  Once he got up, I changed his diaper (my husband usually handles the first diaper change if he is home) and nursed him for as long as he wanted. That turned out to be about 15 minutes which is half as long as our normal first feed.   He had breakfast and I got ready. Then I offered him some boob and he nursed for a really short period of time much to my surprise.  Yo Gabba Gabba was on, Orion was mesmerized in his little chair, and I ran out of the house around 8:45 as if I was on fire.

I jumped into our cute little impractical Fiat 500, turned the seat warmers on, scraped the frost from my window and got my CD selection together.  I was ready for the 2 hour drive to Richmond to meet up with a girlfriend (who has a 10 month old) and see the Chihuly exhibit (awesome!), enjoy a leisurely lunch, and some shopping.  If you saw anyone bombing down 95 south in the left land on Saturday with a huge shit eating grin on their face, it was probably me.  It just felt good to be driving the fun car and not the mom car (Scion XB which I do love) and listen to my music (not children’s music) as loudly as I wanted.   

As we walked around Carytown, I noticed some stroller parking signs and was so happy that it was not currently applicable.  I was able to go into a vintage shop without fear of grubby little hands destroying lovely expensive things. I could stop in every store if I wanted without worrying about a small man’s behavior or needs. Yes, I did have a milk box, peanut butter sandwich, and veggie chips in the car but they were in case I got hungry.

I was in the mood for big sloppy burgers so we walked down to Carytown burgers and fries. I would have been impossible to order a burger there while navigating a stroller, the place was super packed when we got there around 12:15. My girlfriend and I both ordered the Kojack with guacamole, fires, and a beer. I rarely ever drink while the sun is out but this was a celebration and I enjoyed 2 beers without worry of getting my baby drunk on my boob juice. How nice to not have to rush through a meal and to be able to eat my food while it’s still hot instead of feeding Orion.

Someday I look forward to taking Orion to all sorts of museums but he is at the age now where if he can’t touch it and run around he is not interested.  The Virginia Museum of Fine Arts was crowed which usually drives me insane but I was in such a good mood and just happy to see people out supporting art and enjoying Chihuly’s wonderful glasswork.  We were able to take our time meandering through the museum and exhibit up to a point as I did have a 2 hour drive home and one could spend all day in that museum. At 4, we chatted over a hot cup of coffee without fear of it burning fresh baby flesh. Then it was time to go even though we did not get to talk as much as we wanted or see everything there was to see.

For the first time all day, I began to get nervous while driving home. How are my boys doing? What if I get a speeding ticket, or get into an accident or the car breaks down.  I played out each of these scenarios in my head. When I got near Fredericksburg, a light flurry of snow began to fall and most drivers in Virginia are clueless about driving in snow so there was always a slow down if we were driving downhill.  I was running a bit late so I called Patrick when I was about 30 minutes from home to let him know where I was.  I got home around 7pm and was very surprised to find that everything was perfectly fine

I walked in the house and Orion came running over to the babygate with a small toy mouse in each hand. He really wanted to show me his mice but the TV was on so he soon returned to his chair to finish watching his program. I was able to have a civilized conversation with my husband, tell him about my day, and show him the cute things I purchased. Then I asked Orion if he wanted to nurse. There was no reply until I turned off the TV and he was all “when did those boobs get here?”.   I nursed him and he was asleep in no time and slept through the night.

I was expecting to walk in the door to an upset crying baby and a husband at the end of his rope. Orion would run over to me, claw at my shirt and nurse for hours and be up a few times in the night. I was so happy to be wrong. That day we had 3 nursing sessions and nursed for just over an hour.  Since then he has nursed 7 times a day for 3-4 hours per day. This supports my theory that if I want to wean him I will need to leave him.  Working full time is starting to look pretty good. Now I just need to find a job that will pay me enough to cover the cost of daycare or even better has daycare available. Meh, I would rather be with my baby even if he loves my boobs more than me.

I made Patrick tell me all about their day together repeatedly so I could imagine it all in my head.  Patrick was also surprised by how well Orion did without me all day long. Orion napped in the car, then they went to the indoor playground. Keeping busy and having snacks is important to keep Orion happy.  But if there are boobs, he will want them and I have a hard time saying no but we are working on it.  Maybe in another 21 months I will be able to have a night away.  I hope it doesn't take that long but maybe once a month I can have a day away. I came back refreshed and excited to see my baby, I recommend it highly for every mom!          

Getting Grumpy over Costco Gas

Since we have been living in the Northern Virginia suburbs for 5 years and have a toddler, it was only a matter of time before we joined Costco.  We joined about 4 months ago after a friend took me on a Costco trip so I could check it out.  If we used formula and disposable diapers we probably would have joined sooner because you can save big money on those expensive items.  After asking some friends and Facebook groups what they like about Costco and their products, it seemed the savings on gas would make the membership worthwhile.

Costco Gas isn't really out of the way for me to stop and fill the tank but I never seem to be heading that way when I need gas.  Sometimes the gas is 10 cents cheaper and sometimes it is 4 cents cheaper. Sometimes the lines are crazy long and that parking lot is always an insane death trap.  I have seen things at the Costco pumps that I have not witnessed at other gas stations.  Why do people always get in their car and wait for their tank to fill up, how big is your tank? I know it is cold but I have seen this on hot, cold, and mild days. If there are 5 cars in front of me and everyone is getting in and out of their cars, that wastes at least 5 minutes of my time.  That can be a big deal if I have an unhappy baby in the car.

People also do not like to pull around if the second pump in the lane opens up but there is someone at the first pump. The place was designed so you can pull around to the pump that is free in your lane.  Don’t run anyone over, be safe and all but don’t be a wimp.  People, you should know how big your car is and how to drive your car. I saw a minivan today try to pull away from the first pump but the guy at the second pump the next lane over was in the way so the van honked at him. Dude moved over and the van still could not get around every though they had 5 feet of clearance to begin with. So that minivan had to wait for the car at the second pump in his lane to drive away.  If you can’t handle the Costco pump, I would hate to see you parallel park on the tiny streets of Philadelphia, or anywhere. Know how to operate your vehicle!    

Also, the pumps are designed so you can use the pump to fill your tank regardless of what side your gas cap is on. The nozzle will stretch around to the other side of your car which means that you never pull up on the wrong side. Why isn't every pump like this? We own two cars and the tanks are on different sides and I always forget which side the gas tank is on when I drive the fun car instead of the mom car.

So please, when pumping gas at Costco, stay at the pump while you fill up your car, pull forward when space is available, pull out when you are done, know how big your car is and how to maneuver.  Pick whatever lane you want, I will always go for the shortest line and not which side my tank is located. 

Sleep, it's complicated

I hate that feeling of ”is he sleeping or did the worst thing ever happen?”.  We stopped leaving the baby monitor on at night when he was around a year old but we still have it hooked up in his room with units in our bedroom and kitchen. I will grope for the unit in the dark and turn it on, holding it close to my ear waiting for any sounds of breathing or snoring.  Hearing him sleep is the best sound ever.  It is a reassurance of life and peace.

Now that he is older, the fear of SIDS has gone away along with some of my irrational fears.  I remember those nights of “should I go in and check on him or will that wake him up?” and some nights they make a comeback.  I hate that feeling of that the house is way too quite. I can remember going into his room and practically putting my face on his chest to ensure it was still moving up and down at a healthy pace.

If I do hear Orion cry out, cough, or make any other unusual sound in the night it causes me physical pain. I hear it and almost shit myself with worry. The bottom drops out of my stomach and I am on my feet ready for action. This is why I had to shut off the baby monitor, to prevent myself from running to his bedside anytime he made the smallest sound. Granted, the worry has been replaced a bit with a fear of losing sleep.  If he is crying and I hear I cannot sleep, we are not cry it our people. I just want to make it stop as quickly as possible so I can go back to sleep. 

I am way more excited to see my baby after we both enjoy a full night of sleep. Many nights I have gone to bed at 8 or 9 because I know he will be up at some point in the night like he was the night before or because I am just plain exhausted.  Some of those nights end with me waking up at 4am to take a slash only to be unable to fallback asleep.  Regardless of how tired I am, I have always had a hard time falling asleep and falling back asleep.  There are nights when I jealously listen to the sound of my husband and baby snoring happily and soundly.  Patrick has the ability to fall asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow.  He has even fallen asleep while talking or reading me a bedtime story. (Before Orion came along he used to read me bedtime stories. He read me all the Harry Potter books, Snow Crash, and The Once and Future King to name a few) 

It is rare that I am out of bed before Orion.  He usually wakes up between 6 and 7am.  That is when decent human beings should wake up.  4am is for farmers, 5am is cruel, and sleeping in past 10 is for stoners and teenage boys.  The worst is when Orion wakes up at 4am. He is not a farmer and has no business being up that early.  The chance of getting him back to bed is slim but I will try in the hopes of catching some more zzzzs. If he is truly up I know that a 7am naptime is possible and I have to decide to drink coffee and not be able to sleep during that nap but be awake now of stay sleep and miserable until we both get our nap.    

When I am out of bed before baby boy I get filled with this feeling of excitement at seeing him for the first time. He somehow looks cuter and acts sweeter.  My stomach gets filled with the fuzzy buzz of glee that he slept all night and I am recharged and ready for the day ahead.  I want to scoop him up in my arms while he tells me all about his dreams in his secret language.     

Some mornings when I am up before him I know that it will not last long.  I will think “OK, I heard snoring, he is sleeping but he will wake up any second now so I can't really get anything started”.  I don’t want to fold that laundry because he will wake up and throw it all on the floor. I can’t take a shower because he will wake up as soon as the shampoo touches my hair. The great thing is that I actually don’t need to do anything.  This can be a hard thing for a mom to realize and actually do because there are always a million things that need to be done. The luxury of enjoying a hot cup of coffee alone while checking the Facebook without a baby on the loose is an indulgence.  Sometimes you need to do nothing and you will be better for it.

If anyone out there is thinking about becoming a parent but are unsure here is a little trail you can set for yourself.  Set an alarm clock to go off every 2 hours between 7pm and 7am. Once it goes off pace up and down your bedroom or hallway while holding and rocking a 10lb bag of sugar (or whatever) for 20 minutes.  Repeat this for at least 6 weeks and see how you feel.  Bonus points if you repeat this trail 9 months later. Having a newborn is hard but then you start sleeping through the night and you return to the joys of a full night’s sleep and think the worst is behind you.  Then out of nowhere, BAM! Baby is up 2, 3, 4 times a night.  It’s like they want to remind you of how far they have come, and how much it used to suck, and aren’t you glad that doesn’t happen every night.  Really baby, you do not need to remind me.  

To breed again or not to breed again

On a good day I will think that we should totally have a sibling for Orion. Months ago I spent some time watching a friend’s lovable daughter who gets along amazingly with Orion.  For the first time I thought, “Hey, I could chase after 2 kids, I am ready for this”. We could try for a girl this March and she would be born under the sign of Aquarius in 2014.  Before I got pregnant, I did not care if I would have a boy or girl, I really wanted an Aquarius.  That window closed quickly and we had a bouncing baby boy so now I want a girl.

Patrick has always wanted a daughter and I like to give my husband what he wants even though I know there really isn't any picking and choosing when giving birth to a baby. I may just be setting us up for disappointment. I have an older brother so to me having two kids, a boy and a girl, just makes sense. (I hate it when people say that they do not care about the sex as long as the baby is healthy. What if the baby isn't healthy, you won’t love it? They should just say they don’t care as long as it is a baby and not a Power Puff Girl. These chicks also hate it) 

But then we have our bad days and I think Orion should be an only child like his father.  When Orion doesn't sleep and I don’t sleep or he nurses nonstop I think there is no way in hell I could handle another baby.  2 years of not sleeping followed by 9 months of being pregnant and another 2 years of not sleeping is holy shit crazy bananas.  What if baby #2 isn't an easy baby like Orion, what if she has colic and never ever sleeps through the night. What if Orion doesn't want to have a sibling? What if he isn't weaned and becomes jealous of the new baby for taking away his boobs.  What if I can’t do it, can’t take care of two kids, what if I get sick?  Because of having MS, I feel like I need to be done with all my baby making by 35 because things get more complicated after 35.  In just a matter of days I will be 33 which leaves me about 2 years to have a baby.  The clock is ticking.

Prior to the craziness that started just before Christmas with sickness and not sleeping, I was primed to get pregnant around March/April. Now, I feel like I really cannot do it until Orion is fully weaned and sleeping independently. I had these feelings before but thought maybe it would work itself out. After all, I hear some babies wean once mama gets pregnant because they do not like the taste as much.  

It isn’t even the nursing but the lack of sleep that is freaking me out.  When I was pregnant I was working on my feet full time which slowly got cut back more and more. After work I had to nap for a few hours because I was exhausted.  I can only imagine that pregnancy #2 I will be in need of long daily naps in the middle of the day. Orion takes his naps on me but as my belly grows, that might become an issue.  I can at least get him off the boob for his naps but if I try to put him down it is over.  And if Orion is still interrupting my nighttime sleep I may be is big trouble.

I have said jokingly that I have been waiting for Orion to be able to have a conversation with me about naps, nursing, and sleeping through the night.  Maybe I need to add having a sibling to that list.  Since he will be 2 in April, I feel we should be at this point where we can talk about it but he doesn't speak much which kinda freaks me out.  He has said 10 words or so but chooses to speak in his gobbly gook which is indecipherable.    

For now, I guess Orion will continue to be an only child. If we wait too long and can’t get pregnant again, we have talked about adoption. I know adoption is not easy and no one will just hand us a baby and that it could take years.  Even if we do have a second child or choose to not get pregnant again we may adopt anyway. We have also talked about being foster parents. I spent some time working as a driver for a foster care company and really loved those kids and wonder what they are doing now.  Sometimes I even think that when I grow up I could go into social work and work in the foster care system.  

With all the ups and downs of raising Orion, I really do love being his mom regardless of last night’s dream that had me running away to Florida with friends then calling Patrick in tears as soon as I arrived that I would take the next flight home.  I have even thought that no child could ever come anywhere close to the awesomeness that is Orion. He is so cute and sweet that there is no way to top that. I do know that it isn't a contest between kids.  We will just have to wait and see if there will be kids. Sometimes making plans is surest way to be disappointed.  

Nursing a toddler: the good, the bad, and the ugly

Orion will be 21 months old next week and he still nurses like an infant, but only in all the annoying ways. We nurse when he wakes up, then before breakfast, and after breakfast, before lunch, during his nap, after nap, pre-dinner and then to fall asleep at night.   He won’t nurse long enough for me to enjoy an entire episode of Ellen or any of the other million shows taking up space on my DVR.   Then there are the really quick nursing sessions that are pointless.  It’s like he does to just prove that he can or he needs to touch home base but it only counts if it is boob to mouth.

The worst part is that he has refused to nurse on my right side for months leaving good old lefty with all the action.  This means lefty is a heavyweight while no milk righty is back down to her pre-fighting weight.  You would think he would be done with my right nipple but oh no it is now a toy. Righty is now a plaything for him to poke, pinch, and twist while he nurses on the good boob. This really drives me insane. I have to remind myself to keep righty covered which can be hard to remember when a crying baby wakes you in the middle of the night and you find sleeping in clothes strange.  

Nursing a toddler is not comfortable.  He loves to slap my face or drum on my boob while my nipple is in his mouth.  Somehow he can still manage to put if his in my face.  At his 18 month checkup he was 32.5 inches long and 25 lbs. and 13ozs. Go grab something with those measurements and try holding it to your nipple for 20 minutes, bonus points if it is squirmy.  Orion doesn't seem to notice that he has gotten any bigger so he tries to nurse in the same positions he did when he was an infant not realizing that me and my nipple cannot contort into those position any longer.

And the teeth, so many teeth! He loves to drag his teeth along my nipple before he lets go. He does on occasion bite and we did go through a very bitey phase but for the most part he just has a lazy dismount.

So why do I still do it? For one, I do not know how not to nurse. I do not know how to refuse my baby (I know he isn’t a baby anymore but he will always be my baby) something he wants and that I can provide that gives him such wonderful nourishment and comfort.  If he doesn't get it he will pull at my shirt and has stretched out a few of my necklines.  And because this is what we have always done and I still hold on to the delusion that one day he won’t want it anymore.

If he wakes in the night I can (usually) nurse him back to sleep in no time with less physical effort than standing, holding him, and rocking him to sleep for a half hour.   If he is sick, nursing will provide him comfort and good antibodies. If he falls I can whip out a boob and wipe those tears away!  It is awesome to see his happy sleep face nestled against my breast.  But these are on our good days which are becoming less and less.

I want him to want me for me and not what my breasts can provide. My arms can comfort him just as well as my breasts. I can wipe those tears away with kisses and keep my shirt on.  I want to be a weaner.  If he was nursing on both sides or only nursing 3 times a day or if I could leave the house wearing a real bra, a dress, or shirts that do not have easy access to my nipples, maybe I would continue nursing. But our current situation is just too much for me to handle.  Sometimes I find nursing stressful because I am sore and neither of us can get comfortable.  At night when I try to nurse him back to sleep, it can take way longer than I would like and it can make me feel a bit angry.  Since I have the boobs and Orion associates them with sleep, it is me that he wants when it is time to sleep or when he wakes up in the night.  It would be great if Dad could put him to sleep/get him to nap/get him back to sleep. 

    

I also do not want to force or rush our nursing relationship to an end. So I try to keep us busy and out of the house as much as we can during a Mid-Atlantic winter. Last week when we went to the indoor playground he did not want to nurse at any time but he did go over to the highchairs to tell me that he was ready for a snack.   I try to distract him, if he wants to nurse I will offer him a sippy cup, a snack, story time, or some other activity.  This can make him mad and end in tears with a boob in the mouth.  When I try to delay nursing it will usually frustrate him as well.  Baby just doesn't seem to have much concept of time.  I guess I need to get him a baby wristwatch.

I have always nursed on demand and starting around 11 months went the “don’t offer, don’t refuse” route.  I don’t even understand how “don’t offer, don’t refuse” is even a method for weaning.  It has not changed anything. Orion has always nursed so much that it can be hard to keep track.  The first 6 weeks he was home I timed and noted every nursing session and which side he nursed.  I guess it is time to start making these notes and then systemically start refusing a few nursing sessions. 

  

This past Friday I had a doctor’s appointment and it felt so good to leave the house wearing a real bra, earrings, and a necklace. I was even joking with the phlebotomist that I was just happy to be out of the house.  My body has not been my own for about 30 months, that is 2 ½ years. I would like to have my body back because I am oh so selfish. I need a month or two to have my body be mine if I am ever going to get pregnant again. I know some people say that getting pregnant helped them wean but I worry that it wouldn't work for us, being pregnant and nursing would exhaust me, and that Orion would resent the new baby for taking what was his.

I am still hoping that one day soon he just will not want to nurse. Maybe I can give him chocolate milk like in Desperate Housewives and he will only want that instead of nursing. Legend has it that when I was nursing I was all business, often to the disappointment of my engorged mother.  I did not hang out on the boob, I was 3 chugs then off. (I also loved being my crib so I was just the coolest baby ever) Around 9 months I rejected the boob like it was something disgusting and that was the end of that.  Funny that my guy is such a booby monster, I guess this is just the first of many ways that my baby will be drastically different from me.

I have been waiting to change up our routine, when we nurse and how we sleep.  I have used excuses like he is sick or he is teething.   I keep saying that next week we will really work on this nap nursing situation but next week never comes. I worry that I have ruined Orion and spoiled him with my boobs.  Then I see him playing with other kids and he is happy and kind. He shares well and isn't possessive of me or his toys. He is a toddler so there are times when he does not want to share whatever he is playing with at the moment but this is a kid who will have 2 cars in his hand and will give me one so I can play with him.   He does not cling to my legs when we are in a group setting and will often go off on his own to play happy as a clam. 

There is a part of me that wants to go on vacation alone for 2 weeks in the hopes that I will come back to a happy weaned baby who sleeps independently and through the night.  Or maybe I could put him in daycare for a month and they would work their magic and solve my problems.  What I really want is more me time, an hour to myself in the middle of the day while he naps seems like such a luxury.  I also want my time with my son to be because he wants me and not my milk. 

I know I will have to work hard to change this relationship and it will not be easy.  Change has started, I now nurse him to bed at night in his room instead of our bed.  If he wakes at night I nurse him in his room and not in our bed. But I still nurse him for naps in our room so maybe today I will change this and nurse him to sleep in his room and hopefully he will stay asleep when I remove him from the breast and put him in his crib. (He has only ever napped in his crib a handful of times) I also need to put an end to napping in the car. These two changes will start today and hopefully bring us a few gentle steps closer to the end of nursing. (Update: today he feel asleep unexpectedly on the boob an hour before his usual naptime)  

Resolutions 2013

If we were the type of family to make resolutions, they would be the following:

Orion:
Get off the boob and sleep independently
Use my words
Be diaper free by the end of 2013

Charlotte:
Stop cursing
Exercise more
Write more

Patrick:
Stop cursing
Sleep more (we all need that one)
Return to the joys of cycling

The new year is a great time to take stock of your life and see what areas need improvement.  It is also a great time to open a new toothbrush and replace your water filter.  2012 is kind of a blur, it happened and i was there but...

It seems my life is divided by before baby and after baby.  2012 I tried to be a really nice person, I started meal planning, and made a household budget.  These are all good things that have become habit.  None of them were resolutions, if I made resolutions last year I have no clue what they were.  At this point, I will view 2013 as a great success if I can stop cursing in front of my child and we can all overcome this cold we have been dealing with for the past 2 weeks.