Sleep, it's complicated

I hate that feeling of ”is he sleeping or did the worst thing ever happen?”.  We stopped leaving the baby monitor on at night when he was around a year old but we still have it hooked up in his room with units in our bedroom and kitchen. I will grope for the unit in the dark and turn it on, holding it close to my ear waiting for any sounds of breathing or snoring.  Hearing him sleep is the best sound ever.  It is a reassurance of life and peace.

Now that he is older, the fear of SIDS has gone away along with some of my irrational fears.  I remember those nights of “should I go in and check on him or will that wake him up?” and some nights they make a comeback.  I hate that feeling of that the house is way too quite. I can remember going into his room and practically putting my face on his chest to ensure it was still moving up and down at a healthy pace.

If I do hear Orion cry out, cough, or make any other unusual sound in the night it causes me physical pain. I hear it and almost shit myself with worry. The bottom drops out of my stomach and I am on my feet ready for action. This is why I had to shut off the baby monitor, to prevent myself from running to his bedside anytime he made the smallest sound. Granted, the worry has been replaced a bit with a fear of losing sleep.  If he is crying and I hear I cannot sleep, we are not cry it our people. I just want to make it stop as quickly as possible so I can go back to sleep. 

I am way more excited to see my baby after we both enjoy a full night of sleep. Many nights I have gone to bed at 8 or 9 because I know he will be up at some point in the night like he was the night before or because I am just plain exhausted.  Some of those nights end with me waking up at 4am to take a slash only to be unable to fallback asleep.  Regardless of how tired I am, I have always had a hard time falling asleep and falling back asleep.  There are nights when I jealously listen to the sound of my husband and baby snoring happily and soundly.  Patrick has the ability to fall asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow.  He has even fallen asleep while talking or reading me a bedtime story. (Before Orion came along he used to read me bedtime stories. He read me all the Harry Potter books, Snow Crash, and The Once and Future King to name a few) 

It is rare that I am out of bed before Orion.  He usually wakes up between 6 and 7am.  That is when decent human beings should wake up.  4am is for farmers, 5am is cruel, and sleeping in past 10 is for stoners and teenage boys.  The worst is when Orion wakes up at 4am. He is not a farmer and has no business being up that early.  The chance of getting him back to bed is slim but I will try in the hopes of catching some more zzzzs. If he is truly up I know that a 7am naptime is possible and I have to decide to drink coffee and not be able to sleep during that nap but be awake now of stay sleep and miserable until we both get our nap.    

When I am out of bed before baby boy I get filled with this feeling of excitement at seeing him for the first time. He somehow looks cuter and acts sweeter.  My stomach gets filled with the fuzzy buzz of glee that he slept all night and I am recharged and ready for the day ahead.  I want to scoop him up in my arms while he tells me all about his dreams in his secret language.     

Some mornings when I am up before him I know that it will not last long.  I will think “OK, I heard snoring, he is sleeping but he will wake up any second now so I can't really get anything started”.  I don’t want to fold that laundry because he will wake up and throw it all on the floor. I can’t take a shower because he will wake up as soon as the shampoo touches my hair. The great thing is that I actually don’t need to do anything.  This can be a hard thing for a mom to realize and actually do because there are always a million things that need to be done. The luxury of enjoying a hot cup of coffee alone while checking the Facebook without a baby on the loose is an indulgence.  Sometimes you need to do nothing and you will be better for it.

If anyone out there is thinking about becoming a parent but are unsure here is a little trail you can set for yourself.  Set an alarm clock to go off every 2 hours between 7pm and 7am. Once it goes off pace up and down your bedroom or hallway while holding and rocking a 10lb bag of sugar (or whatever) for 20 minutes.  Repeat this for at least 6 weeks and see how you feel.  Bonus points if you repeat this trail 9 months later. Having a newborn is hard but then you start sleeping through the night and you return to the joys of a full night’s sleep and think the worst is behind you.  Then out of nowhere, BAM! Baby is up 2, 3, 4 times a night.  It’s like they want to remind you of how far they have come, and how much it used to suck, and aren’t you glad that doesn’t happen every night.  Really baby, you do not need to remind me.  

Irrational Fears

I have jumped out of bed, scared shitless, that something was wrong with my sleeping baby.  Why did I think something was wrong?  Because it was too quiet and I couldn't hear him breathing.  I lived in fear of SIDS for the first year or so of his life.  I am still afraid to have a pillow, blanket, or anything in his crib while he sleeps even though SIDS is no longer a risk.  I do allow his soothing seahorse in the crib with him but that is it and I am still afraid he will crack his head open on it.


When Orion was about 8 months old I watched Million Dollar Baby for the first time.  I would replay that climactic slow motion neck cracking scene over and over in my head starring Orion and every toy and surface in our house.  Once I get an idea in my head, it is really hard for me to shake it off.  Then I worry that if it were to actually happen it would be all my fault because the thought crossed my mind.

Last week we went for a boat ride and I saw my baby sinking like a stone to the bottom of the Potomac River.  This did not happen of course and I was sure to keep my hands on him whenever he got near the edge of the boat.  But the image, the thought, was so disturbing and I felt horrible for even thinking it that I felt sick to my stomach.

Every time I buckle Orion into his car seat I wonder if it is tight enough, am I doing this right, will he be safe.  I have become a very cautious driver and adhere to the speed limit (ok maybe I go 5 mph over) and leave plenty of room between me and the car in front.  This means I have become an extremely jumpy passenger and I don’t know how my husband puts up with me.

When I was pregnant I worried that something would be wrong with my baby.  Maybe it is my experiences coupled with the fact that I have a chronic health issue but I always brace myself for the worst.  I was also on a medication that was generally considered safe during pregnancy and breastfeeding but no one knew for sure.  I did know that I need my medication (Copaxone for treating MS) and would not do well without it and I need to be as healthy as possible in order to carry my baby to term and to take care of my baby.  So far, so good, but I still worry that down the line we will find out negative side effects of this medication.  Or any of the number of things Orion comes in to contact with on a daily basis could end up being harmful.  This is why I am very picky about what he eats and what I put on his skin.

I watched the film Temple Grandin during my pregnancy and had a big huge crying fest.  What if my baby is autistic and won’t let me hug him?  It was a severe breakdown and I knew I was getting worked up over a possibility.  Then I realized that whatever happens, we will deal with it.  Temple may not have hugged her mom but she did wonderfully amazing things including revolutionizing the cattle industry.  When you are pregnant people ask if you want to have a boy or a girl and usually the answer it that it doesn’t matter as long as the baby is healthy.  And what if it’s not?!  As long as Orion is alive I will love him and care for him and any and every way he needs.

Will my irrational fears every go away?  No, they won’t and I am sure they will get worse once Orion is driving or getting into the car of young drivers.  I do not let these fears stop me from letting Orion explore his surroundings and grow.  I allow the thought to cross my mind and then I try to move on even though it can take me awhile to shake the thought.  Now that he is learning to walk, we have had more boo boos than ever but this is something he needs to learn.

The first time Orion bled, I was more upset than he was.  We were at an indoor playground and he face planted on one of the few hard surfaces (inside a mirror cube) and split open his lip.  He cried, I almost cried, and we were both covered in blood.  The staff was really nice and gave me a cup of water and some paper towels and I cleaned him up and the bleeding stopped.  In no time he was ready to play some more.  When we came back the next week, he was happy to play in the same spot where the accident had occurred.  He spent a lot of time in that mirror cube and I was too afraid to touch him while he was in it that I just let him go in and out on his own.

The scene of the accident one week after he split his lip open.

I really don’t need any reminder that children don’t always outlive their parents.  In part because i can't handle them.  You think pregnant women are emotional?  I am way more emotional then I have ever been.  I cry during movies more than ever and for the smallest thing.  Any movie dealing with child loss I have to avoid entirely or I might flood my living room with tears.  I think about it daily and I am sure that I will on most days for the rest of my life.  Parents worry but I do not let my worry incapacitate me and hopefully I never will.  I buried both of my parents and I hope Orion buries me.

I do not think I could survive the loss of a child and I hope I will never have to find out.  But writing these words feels like tempting fate.  Then I think that I have already been through enough in my 32 years that there really can’t be any tragedy left.  My heart goes out to all those who have lost children.  Whether that loss was while the child was in utero or when that child was 60, a parent burying their children is always a sad sad shame.  These parents are the strongest people I know.  I read this great blog post recently, if you know someone who has lost a child you may find it helpful.

My Mother

My mom was an amazing woman who left us too soon at the age of 60.  This October will mark 7 years since her death from metastatic breast cancer.  With each passing years, her absence has gotten easier to cope with.  I have gotten used to her not being around but that doesn’t mean that I do not want my mother on a daily basis.  If I think about it too hard, I can cry as if she just left us yesterday.  Mother’s Day is hard for this reason because her absence is inescapable.  Being a mom myself doesn’t really make the day easier on me because I feel like something is missing.   

My mother worked as a nurse.  She worked in emergency rooms, nursing homes, and as a visiting nurse. As a visiting nurse for many years, she traveled into some really rough parts of Philadelphia.  I can remember her telling me about drug dealers watching her car while she went in to check on a patient.  They knew why she was there and her patient, most likely, had watched that drug dealer grow up.  No matter where my mom went, she could easily talk to anyone she met.  She had a natural gift for storytelling and a great sense of humor.  I can remember the sound of her voice and her laugh, this is a sound my son will never hear.

There are so many questions I would ask my mother if I could.  Questions you can’t even fathom until you are actually raising kids of your own.  I wonder if she ever had mastitis, how did she wean us, or put us to sleep, when did I start to get teeth, and when did I start to walk?  Losing my father 6 weeks after having Orion, means these answers really are lost.  I miss them both so much and see being a parentless parent as my biggest challenge as a mother.  The ability to call my parents and ask questions, or just to vent and hear stories of how I was when I was that age, not to mention my child is denied the opportunity to spend time with his grandparents.  With their death, I have lost part of my personal history and my son has lost part of his future.

When my father and I visited my brother in Okinawa in the spring of 2010 we got the chance to meet my brother’s wife and their 2 kids.  I am so glad we got to spend that time together.  My father was very excited to be a grandfather and I was happy to be an aunt.  I remember we were in a store and my nephew was throwing a tantrum because he wanted these red shoes.  My brother picked him up, put him over his shoulder, and marched him out of the store.  My dad was laughing and crying because he could hear my mom saying that payback was a bitch.  If only she had lived to witness this scene.

One of my earliest childhood memories is going to Ireland when I was four.  At the time, my mom had a patient named Mary.  Mary was paralyzed on one side of her body.  Her dying wish was to go home to Ireland.  My mother asked her employers if she could help Mary fulfill this wish.  They said no, so she quit her job and took my brother, myself, my father, and Mary to Ireland.  I remember the sunsets and wild horses, the ocean, and the experience of being so far from home for the first time.  When I look back now, I’m amazed at my mother’s determination and compassion to help Mary complete her dying wish.

My mother lived her life on her own terms.  Her sense of humor and style was uniquely her own.  This was appreciated by all she met.  She loved to shop, and had a knack for finding fabulous pieces in unexpected places.  I am proud to be my mother’s daughter.  I feel very lucky to have had the parents I had because they supported me, trusted me, and loved me.  Raising children without them will be difficult but I trust in the job they did instilling such good values in me that I do believe I will do a great job raising my child without them.  

Happy Mother's Day Mom!  We all miss you so very much.

    

This picture was taken on my wedding, 6 days before my mother died.

Ma's tit is OUCHY!

After nursing for one year and one week, I got mastitis.  Mastitis is a bacterial infection of the breast tissue and usually occurs in the first few months of nursing.  It can be caused by poor latch, not emptying the breast, or from cracked nipples.  I had none of these.  Was it from trying on non-nursing bras on Saturday?  Nursing Orion in the changing room of Nordstrom then wiping off my boob with my t shirt and trying on more bras?  Was it because i wanted a bra just for myself to look and feel good?

I do not know why or how I got mastitis but I do know that it sucked.  My right breast hurt so badly!  It felt like I was just starting out breast feeding when you wake up for a long sleep (3 whole hours!) and your boobs have been replaced by rocks but way more painful.  Just the movement from walking made them ache and of course Orion loves to punch me in the tit.

On top of having a painful breast, my whole body was sore.  I was also wicked exhausted.  Just taking care of Orion’s basic needs like changing his diaper was really difficult.  I also had zero patience and after struggling to get a cloth diaper on a squirmy baby, I gave up and used disposables for the rest of the day.  After a week spent recovering from Orion’s first birthday, I was looking forward to a normal week.  But at least I didn’t get sick for his birthday.

To top it all off, Orion developed a cold because misery loves company.  All we wanted to do was eat and sleep but Orion wouldn’t let me sleep because he wanted to sleep on me.  He started to get sick around the same time as me but they were unrelated illnesses.  He had a cough, runny nose (clear), and felt warm.  I did not give him anything and he seems to have gotten better every day.  Luckily, he has never been sick and in need of medication.  This is his 3 cold ever and he just needs to work through it.

I started to get sick on Sunday after our morning nurse/nap.  Orion nurses to sleep and will fall asleep on the boob and I just let the nipple fall out when it may.  After he woke up, we went to the farmer’s market and I wore him facing in on my chest and quickly realized that was not a good idea.  We ran some other errands and my husband wore him or carried him.  Even the seatbelt across my chest was causing discomfort.  When we got home around 3, I turned to my trusty friend Google.  I Googled mastitis and diagnosed myself with mastitis but the fear of inflammatory breast cancer was in the back of my over active brain.

Monday I went to the doctor and she checked me out.  The redness on my breast had gone down a bit, but it was still warm to the touch, hard, and sore.  Plus, my flu like symptoms were ever present.  I got antibiotics and took them without much thinking.  The doctor told me to pump and dump for the first 48 hours even though the medication was safe for breast feeding to clear out the breast. I couldn't understand why I should pump and dump.  I find pumping more painful and the only time by boob felt any better was when it was being nursed on.  I even called the lactation consultant at my pediatrician's office who couldn't understand it either.  She asked if the doctor had asked me to express any milk and if my milk was discolored. No and I hope not!  So I kept nursing and after the baby went to bed Monday I pumped for 12 minutes even though I was exhausted and my milk was plain old milk colored!

(The lactation consultant was very funny and asked if I had another doctor and if mine had ever breastfed before.  She was also very proud that I have been nursing for over a year.  I do love my pediatrician's office!)

I am not usually quick to medicate myself but I was afraid that the mastitis may return or cause my M.S. to flare.  I also wanted to feel better as quickly as possible so I could take care of my baby and myself.  When I got home, I used a heating pad on the infected area but I still had a baby to chase after.  Orion was very interested in the heating pad and cord.  My husband would be late coming home from work Monday and Tuesday.  Tuesday, I was feeling better.  My breast wasn’t as painful but I was still tired and sore.  This was the day of never ending hunger for me and baby boy.  Wednesday, I felt almost human but Orion was having a major case of the fussy pants.  He seemed less congested but he did not want to eat or sleep.

Today, Thursday, things seem back to normal but maybe it is too soon to call it.  I am so glad the weekend is here but my husband who was supposed to be off on Friday and Saturday will have to work, much to my disappointment.  And Sunday is Mother’s day, which should already be a day of spoiling mom and not spoiling mom because she has been sick while taking care of a sick baby.  But I will take what I can get.

Which Cloth Diapers work for us

I purchased many different kinds of cloth diapers in order to see which ones worked well for my family. I recently went through my receipts and calculated that I have spent about $550 this past year on cloth diapers. Some of the things I bought I wish I hadn’t and some things I wish I had bought more of. There are so many different kinds of cloth diapers on the market, it can be really overwhelming to decide which to use.

Luckily, I live near Abby’s Lane and was able to take their Cloth 101 class. The owner, Stephanie, is supper nice and really helpful. I brought Orion to the class and she commented a few times on his cuteness and how she wanted to eat him up. Then he had 2 very loud poops during class which shocked me and made me gasp a little. Stephanie said it was a good segue to our next topic of poop. Stephanie has always answered my emails with lighting speed despite her 5 children, one of which isn’t even a year old yet.



If you are going to do cloth diapers you really need to have a working washing machine in your house. We have a front loading energy efficient washing machine and it does a great job. When we started cloth diapers we had a really old, ordinary washing machine which also did a decent job. Some people prefer the older models because you can add more water to the load which is something you can't do with the newer, water saving models. I have never been left with nasty inside either of my machines after washing diapers.

I started out using Rockin Green Classic Rock unscented washing detergent but have since switched to Tide powder. When I run out of Rockin Green, I either have to order it online or drive for an hour. It is also more expensive but it is more environmentally friendly than Tide Original powder. I really did not like the smell of the Tide at first but now I don’t even notice it. When washing, I recommend doing a pre-wash but an extra rinse really is a must. I wash my diapers daily and this has become a step in our baby's bedtime ritual.



I also recommend a diaper sprayer. It hooks up to your toilet and uses clean water from the tank (not the bowl which is for pooping). It is great at spraying away those sticky poops and we have not had any staining. I like to spray my diapers into a big paint bucket which we keep inside the tub. I will spray the diapers in the bucket (the higher sides help containing splashes from dirty diaper water) then I empty the bucket and rinse it out and then soak the diaper in the bucket with the lid on. You do want to be careful as a bucket with just a few inches of water is a drowning risk.

Here are some of the different cloth diaper options and my experience with them
Flat/pre-fold diapers with covers. We tried this option early on and I found I could never get the fit right. The diaper cover will help to catch leaks but you do need to change them more often. We used some of the Gerber cloth diapers you find at Babies R Us, some of these we used as burp cloths and some as diapers. I sprayed a bit of blue dye on the ones which would be used for burp cloths so I could tell them apart from butt diapers. These are not nearly as absorbent as the more expensive Indian prefolds. Both work and this is the cheapest option. One thing you really need if you are going this route is a Snappi. Forget the diaper pin, this little guy is genius!



When it comes to covers we tried Gen-Y, Thirsties, and Blueberry. I love that the Blueberry and Thirsties diaper covers have an extra leg gusset to catch leaks. Both worked really well but I prefer the Blueberry because it is roomier. I found the Gen-Y cover would get damp around the edges but they are super cute and we all know I am a sucker for cute. We also use the Flip system which is a cover and you can buy reusable or disposable inserts. This is more like an All-in-Two system as the cover wont really fit well over most fitted diapers. It can be used with pre-folds or flats and I really like the Flip system.

Pocket Diapers are really quite easy to use and we have had lots of luck with this type of diaper. We have tried Charlie Banana (small size), Happy Heinys (one size), DryBees (large size), RumpARooz (one size), and Fuzzi Bunz (one size). The RumpARooz have a short rise so my boy outgrew this diaper pretty quickly, around 6 months. I do think this diaper would last longer for a girl. Now that Orion is close to a year old and 22 lbs, the Fuzzi Bunz also seems to be too small. Personally, I found the Fuzzi Bunz annoying to adjust but sometimes I lack finger dexterity and patience. I love the Happy Heinys and have found they fit my boy well and have the least leakage. I like the DryBees and this is my go to morning or nighttime diaper when Orion has his highest output because this diaper always seems to stay dry. I was really happy with the Charlie Banana pocket but my favorite retailer does not sell them. When using a pocket diaper, I like to have a microfiber insert paired with a hemp insert on the bottom. The microfiber is quick catch and the hemp is super absorbent.

I have also tried a few All-in-Ones/All-in-Twos, Softbums, GroVia, and Thirsties. I like the Softbums but they are not the most absorbent so I tend to use this one in the afternoon. I did buy a bamboo pod to boost absorbency which is very effective. The GroVia is super trim and will fit well under clothes but it does leave red marks around Orion’s legs, the fit isn’t the best, and it is not the most absorbent. It isn’t my favorite diaper but I keep one in my diaper bag in case of emergency. I have also used their shell with flats and prefolds but have not bought the snap in inserts. I found that this shell did not fit over my fitted diapers which is why I do not consider it to be a diaper cover. But I couldn't resist the airplane print and just saw their bicycle and robot prints which are really cute. The Thirsties are our newest addition and we are still trying to get the fit down and its absorbency capacity. I think this is a diaper that might be better for girls because how the insert is sewn in. It also has to air dry which takes about 2 days inside. I like this style of diaper because it is less work but I don’t think they work as well as other diaper styles.



It took me a long time to understand what a fitted was and now I understand it to be a diaper that is 100% absorbent and requires a cover. Why they are called fitteds I do not know as I had thought fitted referred to size. I have used Kissaluvs and I really like this diaper and use it for nighttime diapering as well as daytime. I think a lot of people prefer fitteds for nighttime use.

Wool covers have worked really well for us at nighttime. Until that one time when I didn't wash the cover right and I had no luck with that cover for months and months. I have been using disposables at night but hope to get back to cloth diapers with wool covers soon. I am just waiting for the weather to warm up so I don't have to worry about having Orion in footie pajamas. I have only used the Disana cover but am curious to try to make a cover out of an old wool sweater.

If I were to go back and buy only one diaper system, it would be Flip. I love their inserts! You can fold down the insert to adjust their size and they have an amazing stay dry top. These are trim and absorbent but not as absorbent as my microfiber/hemp insert combination. I like to use these in the afternoon when Orion’s output isn’t as great. I know Orion’s pees way more in the morning until noon and now in the afternoon he goes a few hours without peeing at all. But really, I do not want just one system, I like having a variety to chose from depending on my babies needs at the moment.



Not all diapers are created equally. Whenever anything is really cheap, you have to ask why is it so cheap? Cheap material, unethical production practices, slave labor, child labor? The garment industry is pretty notorious for using sweat shops. Some companies are guilty of green washing and cashing in on environmentally friendly trends. Some companies have transparency in their practices and others do not. I know when I shop at Abby’s Lane that they can vouch for the items they sell. They sell items that are made with fair labor practices to the best of their knowledge. They also have a Made in the USA section

What works for us may not work for you because babies are like snowflakes, each one is different. It may take some time to figure out what works for your family. I know I overwhelmed my husband with too many diaper systems and not knowing how to work each one. I personally do prefer Happy Heinys when it comes to a pocket diaper and really love the Flip system. I also like Velcro/Aplix to snaps because they are quicker and easier. I do wonder if Orion will be able to undue the Velcro eventually.

I only started using cloth diapers 8 months ago and am still learning each and every day. I hope to offer some more in depth diaper reviews in the future. I often think my diaper stash is complete but then I see something that I really want to try out. If you have any questions, please don't hesitate to ask! And no, no one paid me or gave me anything to write this post. I did it for the love of the cloth. I will be taking a break from this subject but with Earth Day coming up and the Great Diaper Change, I wanted to take some time to focus on cloth diapers.

Two dogs and a little baby

In my mid twenties, I was a little bit obsessed with Pomeranians. There was an elderly man in our South Philly neighborhood who had a cute little Pom named Petey. It was always such a treat to see them out and about even if I had to run a block or two to catch up with them. I really wanted a dog but was content at this point to enjoy other people’s dogs. The city was full of dogs of all types and sizes!

My mother had always wanted a Chinese Crested hairless. Her neighbor had a small herd of them and she became smitten. When she was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer, her friends got together and gave her a Crested puppy for her 60th birthday. Their time together was short as my mother passed away a week later. This silly little hairless puppy named Mr. Broadway needed a home.

My landlord would not let us have a dog so we had to find a new place to live. We moved into the first place we could find and afford which really was not the nicest. We became proud puppy parents and our first piece of business was to change Mr. Broadway’s name, no way was I calling out that name on the streets. We named him Squeeky as that was my mother’s biker name (yes, she was a biker chick and Rolling Thunder member). It was also fitting because Squeeky makes very silly squeaking sounds.

We had this wonderful, ridiculous, hairless dog who was the opposite of my dream dog. I was amazed by how much I loved him and how much of a comfort that little dog was after my mother's death. A few months later, we decided Squeeky needed a furry fluffy friend to keep him warm on cold winter nights. We got Fizgig when he was about 6 weeks old, just a little handful of fluff. They became like Firc and Frack. They snuggled together and Squeeky would lick Fizgig's face. They were an odd couple, I would sometimes refer to them as the Ying Yang twins. Squeeky was like an Emo/Goth kid and Fizgig was a cheerleader. They got along like a house on fire and Squeeky would often stand up for his little brother at the dog park.

Dogs were a good lead up to having a baby. When we inherited Squeeky in 2005, we suddenly found ourselves talking about poop more than we ever could have imagined. Squeeky was a pretty easy dog but Fizgig was not. Fizgig was all teeth and wanted to play constantly. Squeeky only ever wanted to curl up in a lap. We had been fooled into having a second dog because the first one was so easy. I hear this often happens with babies.

There was a time when Patrick would leave for work and the dogs would curl up in bed with me. Fizgig at my feet and Squeeky would curl up by my chest or belly. Fizgig being fluffy likes to be above the blankets and Squeeky being the constantly cold pup likes to be cozy under the blankets. I am glad the dogs figured out who got what spot and didn't fight about their placement. This has changed since Orion has taken Squeeky's spot in the bed. Now Squeeky gets in the bed and is all like "who the hell is in my spot and what am I supposed to do?". Eventually he will settle down and find a different spot.

I love my dogs but sometimes I wish I didn’t have any dogs. Fizgig is an alert barker and anytime we have visitors he freaks out for a good 10 minutes. Or if he hears a car door outside, or a doorbell rings on TV. Squeeky is a crotchey old man who is very jealous of the baby. When Orion was very little, Squeeky tried to knock him out of my lap to reclaim the spot that was rightfully his. Even now there are times when I am nursing the baby and Squeeky gets into my lap and refuses to move when I need to get up. Too often I get trapped under a sleeping baby and 2 dogs when I really really need to pee.

When Squeeky is in a lap or on the couch, he will defend his spot and growl at the baby. Squeeky has snapped at the baby a few times and we know if Squeeky is on the couch and Orion comes by Squeeky will snap. So we have to make sure it doesn't get to that point. Squeeky has always been the lap admiral, defender of laps. When we would go to the dog park Squeeky would prefer to sit in a lap and would defend that lap from any dog that would come by. Squeeky has never bitten anyone and has only 4 teeth and prefers to swallow his food instead of chewing it but we do not want to test him.

Fizgig is more tolerant of the baby but this has been tested. Orion loves Fizgig, he loves to chase the dog, grab his leash, pull his fur. Usually, we make sure he is gentle when he pets Fizgig but sometimes Orion will have a big handful of fluff. Fizgig has snapped at Orion only once or twice so we have been really lucky. Orion has even knocked Fizgig in the face with a toy and Fizgig just ran off like a good boy. I do not like to leave the baby alone with the dogs but it does sometimes happen for a few minutes while I go run to do something.

I would be devastated if Orion was ever injured by my dogs. If you have dogs and will be having a baby there are a few things to keep in mind. It is easier to call a dog to come than call a baby. If I think the dogs are getting too close to Orion I will call the dog's name. They will usually get distracted and come to me. It is very important that your dogs will come when called. Squeeky is a bit stubborn with this command but he does stop whatever he is doing when I call him.

I didn’t know until we were leaving the hospital that they recommend keeping the baby away from the dogs (or cat if you have one) until said baby is 6 weeks old. I remember thinking, how the hell am I gonna do that as the dogs have been all over everything in the house and we did not clean everything before birthing the baby?! When I told this bit of information to my lactation consultant she thought it was a bunch of hog wash. She had grown up on a farm and felt that “we” shelter our kids way too much. We did try to keep the dogs from licking the baby but he did come in contact with them. (Fizgig loves to lick the baby!!! Which is really odd as Squeeky is the dog that licks everything all the time but he never licks the baby.)

When the baby comes home from the hospital, suddenly everything is always about the baby. I am sure my dogs felt left out. I came home from the hospital and went straight up to bed and hardly paid them any notice even though I hadn't been home for 5 days. We did try to make time for the puppies but it was very hard at first. Now we have family pack play time every day. I will sit on the floor to read to Orion and the dogs join us and I pet them or we toss a ball together. The floor is neutral territory and the dogs are very good with the baby when we are all on the floor together.

We make sure the baby does not bother the dogs when they are eating. Our dogs do not growl if you try to take their food away from them or at least that has not happened yet. Just because your dog hasn't done something in the past does not mean he will never exhibit that behavior. I want our dogs to know that they do have some time where the baby is not involved. If the dogs are in their crates (we have always crated our dogs at night or when we are not home) the baby does not go near the crates. If Fizgig is in his crate and Orion goes crawling over Fizgig will freak out. And of course when Fizgig is in his crate all Orion wants to do is go crawling over by the puppy. These can be frustrating times!

The other day I told Patrick that we will not be getting future dogs until our kids are teenagers. Even then we might become a cat family. It is easy to get overwhelmed when the baby is crying and the dogs are barking. But I love my dogs and there is no getting rid of them. They do need to understand that I love my baby more and will always put his needs first. Orion is the new head of the pack and even though he is small and poops his pants, he is deserving of their respect.


We have a million pictures of Orion with Fizgig but have been unable to get a single good photo of Orion with Squeeky. This is as close as we have gotten but it sums things up pretty well.

DYRN nursing pillows

Do you really need a nursing pillow? No, not really but I honestly do not know how women were able to nurse before these pillows. I love! love! love! my nursing pillow. Orion is 10 ½ months old and we still use our nursing pillow. I am not looking forward to nursing without it but we may have to stop using it soon as Orion is getting so big!

I had registered for a My Breast Friend nursing pillow but then I found a cuter one online. So I added the Balboa Baby nursing pillow to my registry. This was a mistake but sometimes I am a sucker for looks. When we brought Orion home from the hospital he was 4 days old and the Balboa Baby pillow was not much good for anything. Orion was so small that he would fall into the gap between me and the pillow. Luckily, the next day was our first visit to the pediatrician which included time with a lactation consultant.

The lactation consultant had almost every nursing pillow on the market. The first one I tried was the My Breast Friend and I fell in love. Since this nursing pillow wraps around you, it can get right next to your body so there is no gap for the baby to fall into. This pillow also has little baby pillow head lifts which work great to help the baby get to the boob and help with positioning. After our visit, I sent my husband out to pick me up one of my very own.

The My Breast Friend pillow really helped me, saved me some back pain, and kept my baby happy. I have MS and one of my main issues is fatigue in my arms. I was really nervous about how motherhood was going to affect me. Early on, you spend the majority of your time holding that little bundle of joy. Orion was (still is) a total booby monster. He was nursing for up to 8 hours during his first weeks of life. I think without this pillow I would have had some issues and frustrations.

Orion loves to nurse himself to sleep and the My Breast Friend pillow doubles as a bed. He would (still does) nurse and fall asleep and I didn’t have to actively hold him. I just had to make sure he didn't roll away from me. It is nearly impossible to put a newborn down to bed so this pillow really helped. I had my hands free to eat over a sleeping baby or use my smartphone to help me stay awake. You really want to be sure that you stay awake when sitting up and nursing or holding the baby.

I did continue to use the Balboa pillow. I would use that pillow under lapping with the My Breast Friend and put a portable DVD player on top of the Balboa pillow. I spent many late nights in bed with my sleeping husband next to me while I watched movies, nursing the baby, and hoping I would soon be able to put the baby down in his bassinet. Eventually, I put the Balboa Baby pillow in the car to use when nursing out and about. This pillow became much easier to use when Orion was a few weeks old but them he outgrew it when he was just over 4 months old.

I know some people like to use the Boppy as a nursing pillow but that did not work for us. I am a larger woman and I couldn’t get that pillow to fit me right. The pillow would be too low in my lap causing me to hunch over which is no good for posture. But I do love the Boppy to lay the baby on and for tummy time.



One annoying thing about the My Breast Friend is finding covers for it. For whatever reason, Babies R Us sells the pillow but not extra covers. I had to go on Amazon.com to order extra covers. The covers are air dry so you will want to have at least 3. There were a few occasions when Orion would have a massive spit up on the pillow, we would change covers, and then his diaper would leak. 3 covers was the right amount for us and sometimes I would cover the pillow with a waterproof pad then a receiving blanket.

My motto when it comes to life after baby is whatever makes your life easier and whatever you can afford. I highly recommend a visiting with a lactation consultant. You might be able to try out different pillows and some even have breast pumps you can try if you bring a nipple guard. Nursing is not easy so try to not get frustrated and give up. Ask for help!

Offensive Driving

When driving, we do not always know where we are going. Sometimes we drive to places that we have never been to or we have to slow down to look for an address. Sometimes road signs are confusing. The sign says exit only but doesn’t mention the turn you need to make is before the exit. So you get in the left lane only to return to the right lane. You use your signal and the coast is clear. But then there is an asshole speeding up behind you who thinks that you have switched lanes to many times and won’t let you get over. Why ya gotta be like that? This incident pissed me off for hours afterwards which is stress I do not need. It made me want to smoke a cigarette (I quit when I was 26) and get drunk (which I can’t do as I am still breastfeeding but someday!).

We could all make a change in the world by just cutting each other some slack. Give the strangers around you the benefit of the doubt. Let people get in front of you, will one car length save you that much time. No, it won’t, be it could save stress. I was coming up on a merge where two lanes become one and saw quite a sight in my rearview mirror. The two cars behind me did not want to give up pole position and refused to let the other in front. The woman who speed up and took the lead did a big old happy dancing with fingers flying. Was that really necessary? I wasn’t involved but it made me feel bad for both parties involved.

I think I learned to swear from my mother while driving in the car. Some of the things that would come out of her mouth! I can remember her banging on the steering wheel screaming, “Premature ejaculators, oh they just can’t wait!”. The car can be such a stressful place regardless of traffic which is a whole nother bagga donuts. I have spent a lot of time resisting the urge to flip the bird and yell insults. Once when I was 23 I flipped someone the bird and they chased me for a few miles. They would slow down when I slowed down and eventually caused me to unnecessarily get on the turnpike just to get away. That was such a scary experience and I would never want to put my child through something like that!

Life is stressful enough, we really don't need to create more stress for ourselves. Since being pregnant, I became a more defensive driver. I felt like everyone on the roads was trying to kill me. The feeling has not stopped with the birth of my son. I try to be a better driver and obey posted speed limits but sometimes it is hard. The baby is crying and I just want to get home and I find myself speeding. I have tried to fight this urge because most car accidents occur within 5 miles of your home.

I always joke that my husband is your typical nice, sweet Midwestern man, and it is true. Sometimes when he doesn’t know where he is going or is looking for an address, he will actually pull over and let the people behind him pass. Ain’t that some shit! We should all try to be more forgiving on the roads. Think of the example we are setting for our children. And for the love of Pete, stop texting and driving!!!

Getting a leg up

Orion likes to get a leg up when he nurses. He only does this when he nurses on my left side, his favorite side. When he was little it was just a tiny foot on my shoulder and it was so cute. Nowadays, it is a big strong foot pressing on my neck, chin, cheek, mouth, or face. What a silly little man! Anyone else have a baby that did this? How do you make it stop?

Spring fever and the rush of a sleeping baby

What a gloomy day it has been today, rain, rain go away! Since we have had a few really nice 60° days, I have been suffering from spring fever. This has been the winter that never was. I like snow but have had enough in the past 2 years. With spring 20 days away I hope I am not speaking too soon. If we get a freak blizzard it will be all my fault.

I wanted to get out of the house today and needed to pick up yogurt and baby crack. There was a break in the rain so I seized the opportunity to kick the dogs into the backyard. Squeeky hates the rain and Fizgig needs a good toweling off when he comes inside. once the dogs were in and dry, I loaded the baby in his carseat and off we went to Target. Such a glamours life I lead.

I like to wear Orion in the Becco when I go shopping. He is usually happier when I wear him and it gives me a workout. I have also found that he is more likely to fall asleep in the carrier or once we get in the car. I always have reuseable bags with me and if I am only picking up a few things, I will load up a reuseable bag with my keys and wallet and off I go. This usually prevents me from buying way more than I had intended to which is really easy to do at Target.

All in all, we were in Target for 20 minutes at most and the car ride home was all of 10 minutes. Orion was asleep by the time I pulled in the driveway. Hurray!!!! I am so happy! What to do, what to do? I feel like I did when I was a kid home alone. I want to jump on the bed and run around naked. Instead, I ate hummus out of the container with falafel chips and sometimes just my finger. Then I finally spent time on netflicks putting my queue in order and adding some new stuff.

There have been times when Orion has fallen asleep in the car and Patrick and I are all like "Ok, what do you want to do now? Let's take over the world!!". But we never do anything that exciting. When the baby is asleep I like to answer emails, check facebook, read, do the dishes, write this here blog. I know I have precious little time as his naps are an hour at most.

Right now, I could be working on his baby book which is all over the kitchen table, or folding laundry but instead I have chosen to dick around and it feels soooo good! I get such a rush when he is sleeping and I am free to do something. I will usually use that time to be productive but all work and no play is boring. What do you like to do when the baby is asleep?

Why can't you sleep like a baby!?

Orion started sleeping through the night when he was six weeks old. I think we got lucky and I really can’t explain why. I do not have any secrets for sleeping newborns, sorry to disappoint you. I can only share my experiences. Luck was not always on our side when it came to the matter of sleep so do not be jealous. One tip I can share is to understand the sleeping patterns of newborns.

We had a bassinet in our bedroom next to my side of the bed until Orion outgrew it at 3 months old. Then he was sleeping in his own room across the hall from our bedroom in his very own crib. I love that our baby monitor will give the room temperature. I like his room to be about 70° with the ceiling fan on low. We never used crib bumpers, pillows, or blankets in the crib. We also did not leave toys in the crib as they can be a suffocation risk or cause injury if the baby were to fall.

If we did use blankets in the crib, he was swaddle up in the blanket nice and snug. Swaddling is a wonderful thing and there are many blankets and sleep sacks on the market. I think swaddling does help newborns to feel safe and stay asleep while providing needed warmth. The blankets were great when Orion was really small. As he got bigger, I loved using the Halo sleep sacks with swaddle arms until he was able to roll over. I was worried that he would not be able to sleep without swaddling but he slept well at night once we had to discontinue swaddling. We still use a Halo sleep sack but without the swaddle arms. With a sleep sack, you can be sure the blanket stays put without worry of suffocation or uncovered feet.

Sadly, we have never had much luck with naps. This is something we are working on and I look forward to being able to get things done while he naps. During the day, he will fall asleep while nursing and wake up when I try to put him in his crib. Yes, he passes the dead arm test every time. I am doing the same thing I do at night but it doesn’t seem to work. If we are out and about and he falls asleep in the carseat, I can bring him inside and get him to stay asleep in the carseat. I am not looking forward to upgrading to the next size car seat which I will not be able to carry into the house. We bought the new carseat weeks ago but I have been putting off its installation. Orion is about 21 lbs. now and his current carseat will fit till he is 30 lbs. so I might put the switch off till he hits 30 lbs.


This picture was taken Christmas Eve, we took a car ride to look at Christmas lights and Orion fell asleep.

I was amazed when I saw a friend put her 5 month old down for a nap on my leather ottoman. She just spread out a blanket, put him on his back, rubbed his belly, and after a bit of fussing was out for about 30 minutes. Why can’t I do that? We sat there and talked while he happily slept. I really want to be able to put Orion down for a nap and think I may have to wait until we are able to have a conversation regarding the matter. When he falls asleep on me during the day I have to ask myself if I would rather be holding a sleeping baby or try to put him down in his crib and risk waking him up.

Lack of sleep and exhaustion can do crazy things to a person. One sleepless night, I was up nursing a 9 ½ month old Orion and reading blogs and trolling the internet for sleep advice. I started to worry that I may have broken the baby. He used to sleep so very well but suddenly he would wake up every few hours. He will soon be 10 months old, is he stuck with his old bad habits. Is he an old dog that cannot learn new tricks? Will I be holding him at naptime when he is 5 years old?

Could it be sleep regression? What is sleep regression? There is 4 month, 6 month, 9 month, 12/13 month, 18 month and 24 month sleep regression! I think it is just a nice term for a chunk of time when baby goes crazy and does not sleep well. This might be due to physical milestones, cognitive developments, or teething. People like things to have labels and it lets them know that they are not the only one dealing with a fussy baby who suddenly won’t sleep. Moxie can tell you more about sleep regression.

The phrase “sleep like a baby” is very misleading. I think it has fooled many parents into thinking that there is something wrong with their baby. I was also misled when I was told babies sleep 20 hours a day. Now "they" say a one month old baby needs 16 hours of sleep within a 24 hour period. Orion seemed to nurse more than he slept in his first weeks. But he was never awake and fussy, any lack of sleep he may have now or in the past never caused an adverse reaction.

Babies go through phases and their patterns are constantly changing. Just when you think you have something down, it will totally change. I think you have to be flexible and patient as a parent. I understand there will be some sleepless nights. I am thankful and lucky that I do not have to go clock in somewhere during the day. If we have a rough night, we might be able to catch a nap together during the day. I may not have a "job" but I work 24 hours a day and am always on call. Orion is my boss.

I have yet to have a night away from my baby. I think the longest I have been away from Orion was for about 5 hours when a girlfriend and I did a ghost tour of Harper’s Ferry one very cold windy night. That was the only night my husband has put the baby to bed. It didn’t go so well but eventually patrick got Orion to go down but he woke up about 45 minutes later. I do look forward to some more me time but I have had about 30 years of me time leading up to Orion’s conception. My time will come but for now he needs me and I need him to be a happy healthy baby.



Orion and Squeeky are both sleeping on me and I cannot believe that smile on Orion's face. This was the best cuddle puddle ever!

Do you really need...

There is a lot of money to be made off parents and pregnant women, especially first time parents. If you are like me, you never spent much time around babies before having one of your own. It is hard to tell what you need from what you don’t before that bundle of joy arrives. Once that bundle does arrive, it might be joyous but tinged with sleepless exhaustion. This can lead a desperate parent to shell out big bucks in the hopes of regaining some sanity.

Sadly, I am not made of money and am often shocked by the price tag of many baby items. I follow a number of blogs and am surprised when they recommend a $40 sleep sack or $33 hooded towel. My husband does make enough money to enable me to stay home with the baby but that doesn’t mean we do not miss my previous income. Even with extra money I wouldn't want to spend $33 on a towel unless it can also give the baby a bath.

Truth be told, I am cheap and I have always been cheap. My mother said I was the cheapest person she knew. Not sure if she ever realized that I got it from her as she loved thrift store shopping, bargain hunting, and never let me spend more than $2on a pair of underwear. Old habits die hard but I am now realizing that there are a few things you should not cheap out on.

I hope this reoccurring feature will help you weed out what you need from what you really don’t.

First we are going to talk about baby containment devices. There are play yards, swings, jumpers, Bumbos, and exersaucers. When our baby boy first came home, the only thing we had to land him in downstairs was his carseat. I think this has turned out to be one of the best baby holding options. First, if you have a car and a baby you must have a carseat. We spent about $300 on the Chicco Key Fit this is one of those things you do not want to cheap out on. When shelling out those big bucks, you want to get your money’s worth. We love our stroller and find it very easy to use. The carseat worked well to hold our newborn because it was portable, snug, and rockable. The seat with infant insert envelopes the baby who has spent the past 9 months floating in goo, cozied up in your womb. This seat isn’t a swing but it can be rocked and I love a multitasker. I can remember having Orion in the carseat on the floor next to my bed and rocking it with my foot while I rested my eyes. To this day, the only way I manage a shower during the week is by putting Orion in the carseat and bringing him into the bathroom. I do have to strap him in now that he is such a wiggle butt but he can see me, hear my voice, and more important, I can see him. I do not have to worry if he is crying or if he decided to test gravity in his crib. Do not under estimate the power of a carseat. It might not work for everyone but it certainly worked for us.

We had an open top take along swing but Orion was never interested in it and it really wasn’t very portable. We put him in it a few times and he didn’t mind it but it was never a magic charm which would swing him to sleepyland. This was a hand me down which we later donated to Goodwill. I am glad we were able to try it out without spending the money. Go make friends with pregnant women and see if they are willing to swap stuff once they are finished with it. This was an item that was very bulky which I would not be willing to put into storage for years until baby number 2 shows up. I am sure many other moms get to a point where they really just want to downsize on the baby gear.



Most people have happy memories and childhood photos of them in a doorway jumper. When I was registering at Babies R Us, I assumed this was a must have. For Orion’s 4 month birthday, we instilled the Sassy Seat doorway jumper which he liked until he knocked his head into the door frame. His weight was never evenly distributed in the seat and he would end up being lopsided. He really loved the toys that came with that seat. Our pediatrician told us that he does not recommend these types of jumpers as they can cause hip issues. Thanks for telling me now Doc! But we did get some really cute pictures of a very happy Orion in his Sassy seat.



The Doctor recommended an exersaucer and I started to shop around. This is an expensive item which becomes obsolete once baby is walking or so long that he can stand up flat footed when seated. I looked at Kid to Kid for a used one but they all seemed pretty ratty. I ended up at Burlington Coat Factory and got a super sweet deal on a floor model. We love our exersaucer and the seat is removable for washing. It is also durable, Patrick fell on it once and it came apart into 2 pieces but was not damaged. Regardless of much we love this exersaucer, we will not be keeping it around once Orion outgrows as it takes up way too much space.



Highchairs are a wonderful thing and Orion loves being in the highchair and drumming on the tray. I often feed the baby when I am eating. Yes it is annoying and I have learned to use both hands, one feeding me and one feeding the baby. But I want us to have family meals and eat together. Orion likes to feed himself so I can get a bit of a break when I give him finger foods. There are many different types of highchairs so you can find one that works for your family.



If you plan on doing any traveling within your baby’s first year of life, you will need a pack and play/play yard. This was the first item we bought to have a place to put the baby down when we were downstairs at our old house. Orion was 4 weeks old when we bought it and even though we are now living in a one floor home, it is still set up in our living room. This is the pack and play we bought. It has hamper, shelves, bassinet, changing table, carry case, and a mobile with bears, lights, and music. Orion would lie in the bassinet and watch the bears with such intensity. They never put him to sleep but it kept him quiet and happy. The changing table was really great until Orion became too much of a wiggle worm. Now we use the changing table to put his coat and shoes on before we head out the door. This is an item that will grow with your child. The shelves that used to hold diapers, wipes, and burp cloths now hold Orion’s toys. Sometimes he will crawl over and help himself to a toy or two.

I hear a lot about Bumbo and sometimes wonder if we should have gotten one. I do not think Orion missed out on having one or that it would have been a magical answer to some prayer. If you do want one, buy it used. They are easy to clean and I have seen tons of these at Kid to Kid and on Craigslist. You might even be able to get a free hand me down from a friend or family member. There have been a few recalls on this item so be sure you are using it safely.

Bottom line, you need a carseat and you can use it in different ways. You need a highchair, and can find one that fits your price range and family life. Then it is a good idea to get a fun play seat for the baby and exersaucers seem to be the answer. If you will be traveling a pack and play is a necessity. Do you need anything else? Not really but that doesn’t mean you won’t want other things and you might find that they answer all your prayers.

When shopping for big ticket items, keep in mind that Babies R Us is always giving out 20% off coupons, use them wisely. When shopping for anything, ask yourself if you really need x, where will you put x once you bring it in the house, and how often will you use x. Try to practice mindful shopping.

When a parent gets sick

Recently, Patrick was sick with a stomach bug. This was the first time one of us has been really sick since Orion came into our life. I did not want me or the baby to get sick, so Patrick had to limit his contact with us and wash his hands constantly. It seemed to work as neither I nor the baby has yet to vomit. I did not get sick but it did leave me feeling like a single parent. I honestly do not know how single parents manage! My hat is off to you and wish you nothing but the best of luck. I am thankful for my husband in sickness and in health.

Patrick’s illness started Thursday night and continued until Sunday night. Friday went by without too much excitement. Saturday was such a beautiful day that it seemed to prove global warming. We live in Northern Virginia, it is late February and it got up to 59°. I am not sure what got into me but I was in super mom mode. Among other things, I cleaned the kitchen, went grocery shopping, and took both dogs and the baby for an afternoon walk. By the time I got Orion in his crib at 8 pm, I was exhausted. Yes, I did go to bed at 8 on a Saturday night. But I wasn’t asleep for long as Orion was up a few times throughout the night.

On Sunday, Orion was the only one who got changed out of his pajamas. It was late afternoon by the time I realized I had yet to brush my teeth or wash my face and I could not be bothered. It wasn’t until around that time that I realized Orion was cutting his 5th tooth. I knew 5 and 6 were on the way but didn’t even think they would pop up at a time like this. I was so exhausted and tired of Patrick being sick and Orion being fussy that my brain was not working.

Now that I knew Orion was working on a tooth, I could at least give him something to make him feel better. Oh how we love Hyland's teething tablets! I am amazed that we all got 8 hours of sleep on Sunday night! Monday has seemed to be easier to deal with because of a good night’s sleep. Patrick is not yet 100% and my on again off again week long migraine still pays me a visit. Thankfully, Orion has been less fussy and has not been in crazy play mode. His new tooth doesn’t seem to be causing him too much trouble today.

What can a parent do when they get sick? Sadly, the answer is nothing; you still have to be a parent. You can ask for help but if you are like us living without family in the area, you might not be able to get help. The best thing you can do is to try to not get sick in the first place. Wash your hands, avoid sick people, drink plenty of water, eat your vegetables, and get a yearly flu shot. There is still no guarantee that these steps will prevent you from getting sick.

The reality is that you will, at some point, get sick. Things that need to get done will not get done. Dishes might pile up, the dogs won’t get walked, and the floors won’t get cleaned. It really doesn’t matter as long as the kids are being taking care of and you are trying to get better. You have to push through it and hopefully your spouse will be able to help.

I know I will get sick and I have been waiting to get sick for months and months. I have spent a lot of time over the past 6 years being sick. A diagnosis was a long time coming but eventually it turned out to be M.S. Luckily I have been on a wonderful medication, Copaxone, for the past 3 years. It was this drug that gave me the good health to get pregnant. I stayed on the drug throughout my pregnancy and still take it daily.

I am trying to not fear the inevitable. When I get sick, I will deal with it because what other choice do I have. I am no longer the warm gooey center of my universe, Orion is and I wouldn’t change that. I just hope we never get sick at the same time!

Roadtrip tips

Here are some of my tips for traveling by car with babies. Of course, make sure the carseat is properly installed and that the baby is secure in the seat. Also note the expiration date on the carseat, these things are not built to last forever. And never buy a used carseat or buy a seat from Craigslist. You cannot be sure the seat was never in an accident. A carseat is not something you want to cheap out on buying.

•Fill up the gas tank when the baby is awake. Know how much gas you will need. Fill up if the baby is awake but your gas tank is not yet empty but you will need more gas eventually.

•Make sure the baby is well feed before you hit the road. The chaos of Grandpop’s birthday caused me to forget to feed Orion his sweet potato puree. I think this added to his subsequent breakdown a half hour from home.

•A clean diaper is a happy diaper. At home I use cloth diapers and change his diaper every 1 ½-2 hours. On the road, I use disposable diapers (we like Pampers) so I won’t have to stop as often to change dirty diapers. I also think he is more comfortable in a disposable diaper for long car trips as they are less bulky.

•Have some baby friendly music on hand. Sometimes we listen to the classical station but there are a few lullaby albums that we love as a family. Mumford & Sons Inspired Lullabies by Lullapalooza has worked like magic on many occasions. Rockabye Baby Lullaby Rendition of The Cure is also a standard. I want their Nirvana, Tool, and Radiohead albums for myself. I also downloaded 50 Greatest Baby Lullabies by Lullabye Baby Ensemble which has a nice variety and you can play guess what song this is.

•Have a favorite toy for baby to amuse themselves with. I get motion sickness very easily and cannot sit in the backseat. I have tried to sit in the backseat and soothe the baby when he is freaking out but that has only work 5% of the time. When baby wants to be held and fed, nothing else will do.

•If baby is awake, talk, sing, laugh, and be silly. When we had our 4 hour drive up to PA when Orion was 6 weeks old, I talked so much I thought my head would explode.

•Keep baby comfortable, not too cold and not too hot. Also protect them from direct sunlight.

•If you have to stop, pull over where it is safe and well lit. Ideally that would be a rest stop or gas station.

•Stay calm. If the baby cries, it won’t kill him. I did not learn this lesson until Orion was 6 months old and we left him with my mother-in-law while Patrick and I had dinner down the street with friends. When we came back Orion was happy so I assumed that everything had gone well. Then I was informed he cried for close to an hour after we had left. But he survived and still loved me and would not be scarred for life and end up on intervention because I left him for 90 minutes.

Traveling with babies is not an easy task so try to simplify as much as possible. If you forget something, chances are you will be able to pick it up when you reach your destination or you may forget that it was even forgotten.

VD

Yes I know Valentine's Day was yesterday but I was too busy to write. Valentine's day always gets me thinking about venereal disease and I chuckle whenever I wish someone a "Happy VD". I wonder how many people contract a venereal disease on Valentine's Day. But I am getting way off track.

People always say that Valentine's day is a hallmark holiday developed by chocolate/card/flower companies. What is the Grinch equivalent for Valentine's day? I say so what, who cares who invented it! I like cards and chocolate and flowers! Some people need a day set aside to let their loved ones know that they ARE loved. Patrick and I tell each other and our son how much they are loved every day. It is still nice to set aside one day as a special day of love. And it doesn't need to be fancy or break the bank.

To show my love for husband, I cooked dinner and dessert from scratch. This is something I am trying to do more of these days. I can wear Orion on my back in the Beco and manage to cook and clean. He will usually fall asleep when I wear him which is a funny sight when he is on my back.

As his 9 1/2 month old neck is still mostly jello he does not wake up with a sore neck. I do wish I could attached the hood once he is on my back and asleep but I am not double jointed. It took awhile before I felt comfortable and safe cooking with him on my back but that is a blog post for another day, so stay tuned.



I made pot roast and chocolate mousse. I love making pot roast as it is easy, delicious, and a one pot meal. I found time to cut up the mirepoix the day before. I like to cut the carrots, onions, and celery on the chunky side. The addition of extra carrots makes it feel like we are actually eating some vegetables. I should have made a salad but shoulda coulda woulda and we were full enough after dessert. I seasoned the chuck roast with salt, pepper, Hungarian paprika, and some other spices. Then brown the meat all over, remove from heat, add mirepoix, garlic, stock, wine, better than bouillon, and add the meat back to the dutch oven. Bring to a simmer and put in the oven at 350° and bake for about 4 hours. 3 1/2 hours in to cooking, I add a cup of rice to soak up all the delicious juices. The air smelled so good and comforting. It really pissed off Fizgig as he could smell that the air had a flavor but not a taste he could sink his teeth in to.



Doesn't the strawberry look like a heart? Or a tongue, either way I'm cool. The Chocolate mousse was more of a challenge. I attempted to make it a day ahead but failed. The recipe I was using was David Lebovitz's "Julia Child's Perfect Chocolate mousse" http://www.davidlebovitz.com/2008/05/perfect-chocola/. A bit schizophrenic especially when you take into consideration the Alton Brown Good Eats episode I had been watching which lead me down the path to destruction. My first attempt melting the chocolate left me with a bowl full of diarrhea.

When I fail at cooking or baking, it really bums me out. I wasted 6 ozs of chocolate, 6 ozs of butter, and 1/4 cup of coffee. I hate wasting food and money not to mention my time which is precious like truffles these days. It also reminds me of when I was 10 or 11 and attempted to make cookies but left out some vital ingredient. They came out a total mess which my mom was left to clean up. I can still see her scraping the cookies into our backyard on a dark spring evening. She never let me forget that cooking disaster.



The Valentine's Day attempt at making mousse was a delicious success. Rich with deep chocolate flavor and a firm but creamy texture. I made some balsamic strawberries to top the mousse. This is ridiculously easy and very tasty. Cut berries, add 1 TBS sugar, and 2 TBS balsamic and macerate for at least an hour. It was perfect to balance the rich chocolate. And we had a nice sparking Rosé to wash it all down.



Orion did not get much out of this national day of love. I love him and spoil him everyday so I figured I would focus on my husband. Patrick has a better chance of remembering this Valentine's day where Orion never will. I do look forward to Orion being in school and giving out Valentines day cards. I have been trolling the internet for free printable downloads, get 'em here:

http://mermag.blogspot.com/2010/02/arrrr-you-ready-for-some.html
http://www.hellolucky.com/wordpress/2012/01/18/free-printable-valentines-day-cards/
http://www.flickr.com/photos/christykilgorehadley/4348560867/

I like to think I am a good gift giver. About 2 weeks ago, I went on Shutterfly and made a 20 oz travel mug for Patrick as a Valentine's gift. He is a big coffee drinker and may have to visit 4 different offices in a day. Now he can caffeinate and show off his cute baby boy. It was really easy to put this gift together. I think it took me all of 20 minutes. This gift was personal, has both form and function, and I kinda made it. Patrick gave me some books on learning to sew to enhance my craftniess.

I like any excuse to get dressed up (which I didn't as we were not going out but at least I was not in my pajamas), enjoy a special meal, give gifts, and show appreciation. You don't have to turn it into a big commercial Hallmark holiday. You can make it your own, make your own Valentine's card or gift or chocolate or plant flowers that will bloom every spring. Make love anyway you want!

Big Day Out

This past Saturday we celebrated my maternal Grandfather's 90th birthday. We were determined to attend this event despite the 6 hours we would spend in the car and the forecast for snow. I grew up in Philadelphia and will always call the city of brotherly love my hometown. We moved to Northern Virginia 4 years ago and I try to get up to Philly a few times a year to visit friends and family. Since having the baby, visiting has become more difficult. My mother passed away in 2005 and my father passed away when Orion was just six weeks old. Since losing both my parents I find it more important than ever to maintain ties to our extended family.

I thought we would leave around 1:30 or 2 as the party started at 5 and the journey takes about 3 hours. When I conferred with Patrick at 10:20, he suggested 11 or noon. I said fat chance on getting me out the door in 40 minutes. So I jumped in the shower, got dressed, and put my face on. I do not wear makeup very often but for family events and special occasions I take this extra step. But honestly, I never feel like I know what I am doing. I am just playing with my crayons. When it comes to eye makeup, I feel I have it down thanks to the diagram on the package. My chapstick addiction makes lipstick a bit more difficult. Also I hate the smell and taste of most lipsticks. When it comes to foundation, I am really clueless as my skin is so fair and pink. At the end of makeup play time, my husband deemed me presentable for public display. One day I may have to test him and see if he would let me out of the house looking like a hot mess.

Being a stay at home mom, I don't have many opportunities to get dressed up. Some days I never leave the house or get out of my pajamas. There was a time when I was really in to fashion and sometimes I miss getting dolled up. So I wasn't going to let a long ass car ride prevent me from wearing something nice. I never had a doubt as to what I was going to wear. But once I got in the car and sat down I started to think that a high waisted skirt and Spanx may not have been the best choice. It was too late to turn back. The words of my mother, "beauty is pain" rung in my ears.

We hit the road around noon and even though there was some snow on the roads, they were not as bad as we had anticipated. We hit the rest stop in Delaware just north of the Maryland boarder. Orion had been sleeping up to this point and I had to resist the “oh shit he is awake, must put my boob in his mouth” urge. Our first road trip was a 4 hour drive up to Gilbertsville, PA when my father died. Orion did a good job sleeping on the road but lost his shit in the final 20 minutes. When we got to my Aunts, lil' man was a hot sweaty mess. When he was 9 months old, we made the 10 hour trek to Michigan to visit my in-laws. He slept like a champ but once again couldn't stand to be in the car for another second once we were a half hour from our destination.

When Orion cries in the car, I shut down and it used to really pain my boobs. When you are so close to your destination, there is really no point in stopping, getting him out of the carseat, nurse him up, and put him back in the seat. He will just cry some more when he gets put back into the seat. Thanks to child safety laws you can no longer hold a baby in a moving car. This is a good thing, but not something you can explain to an upset baby.

True to form, Orion spent the last 15 minutes of the journey fussing. Getting off 95 at Broad Street, I was excited for Orion to be in Philadelphia. He would not remember this trip but I was driving through my past with my present and future snuggled in the car. We parked in Center City as the bell tolled 3. We had time to kill, so we visited a friend and enjoyed one of my favorite Philly treats. No, not a cheesesteak (they are way too hyped up), not a soft pretzel (this is a food item I wish would catch on like the cheesesteak), but Capogiro gelato.

http://travel.nationalgeographic.com/travel/top-10/ice-cream-parlors/

Best place on earth to eat ice cream! I have been a fan of theirs since they opened and visit whenever I can. We have even flug (mailed in husband speak) some to relatives and have been meaning to do the same for myself. I love their Rosemary Honey Goat Milk flavor, but I digress. After gelato and another trip up to our friend’s apartment to nurse up the baby, we were back on the road.

We made it to the party in Germantown at 5. Orion spent the 45 minutes car ride sleeping but woke up once we arrived. I had only told an Uncle and one cousin I was coming as I wanted it to be a surprise. My mother was one of nine, and those nine had 32, and now my grandfather has 21 great grandchildren. When we get together it is very overwhelming as there are so many of us. Saying hello and goodbye takes forever. It was great to see everyone for such a happy event and well worth the trip.

We headed for home around 8:30 despite the many offers from various relatives to spend the night at their house. We didn’t want to haul all the stuff necessary when traveling with a baby for just one night. Plus, our 2 little dogs at home need caring for and we love our dog sitter but 2 visits are way cheaper than 4 or 5. This would also give us Sunday at home to decompress.

It had started to snow and was hella windy. The roads didn’t seem that bad but people were driving like morons. When we stopped to get gas in Maryland, some asshole was trying to merge on to 95 going 35 miles per hour. The stop for gas had woken up the baby and he started to cry. We were only 30 minutes from home and I just wanted to get there. The whole thing made me want to pull my hair out.

We got home around 11:30 and I was ready to rip off my Spanx and peel off my face. I got more comfortable while Patrick took care of the baby and got him ready for bed. Sadly, bed would not come anytime soon. It was after 2 a.m. when I got to sleep and I think I had to bring Orion into the bed with us but it is hard for me to remember. Sunday was a day spent in my jammies not leaving the house. In the afternoon, Orion and I took a nap together and after he woke up I was able to pass him off to Patrick. This allowed me to double my total naptime, score one for the momma.

Was it worth it? Yes, yes it was. I was happy to celebrate my Grandfather's long illustrious life. Coming up next will be a few tips I have learned for traveling with babies.