Patrick has always wanted a daughter and I like to give my
husband what he wants even though I know there really isn't any picking and
choosing when giving birth to a baby. I may just be setting us up for disappointment.
I have an older brother so to me having two kids, a boy and a girl, just makes
sense. (I hate it when people say that they do not care about the sex as long
as the baby is healthy. What if the baby isn't healthy, you won’t love it? They
should just say they don’t care as long as it is a baby and not a Power Puff
Girl. These chicks also hate it)
But then we have our bad days and I think Orion should be an
only child like his father. When Orion doesn't sleep and I don’t sleep or he nurses nonstop I think there is no way in
hell I could handle another baby. 2
years of not sleeping followed by 9 months of being pregnant and another 2
years of not sleeping is holy shit crazy bananas. What if baby #2 isn't an easy baby like
Orion, what if she has colic and never ever sleeps through the night. What if
Orion doesn't want to have a sibling? What if he isn't weaned and becomes
jealous of the new baby for taking away his boobs. What if I can’t do it, can’t take care of two
kids, what if I get sick? Because of
having MS, I feel like I need to be done with all my baby making by 35 because
things get more complicated after 35. In
just a matter of days I will be 33 which leaves me about 2 years to have a
baby. The clock is ticking.
Prior to the craziness that started just before Christmas
with sickness and not sleeping, I was primed to get pregnant around March/April.
Now, I feel like I really cannot do it until Orion is fully weaned and sleeping
independently. I had these feelings before but thought maybe it would work
itself out. After all, I hear some babies wean once mama gets pregnant because
they do not like the taste as much.
It isn’t even the nursing but the lack of sleep that is
freaking me out. When I was pregnant I
was working on my feet full time which slowly got cut back more and more. After
work I had to nap for a few hours because I was exhausted. I can only imagine that pregnancy #2 I will
be in need of long daily naps in the middle of the day. Orion takes his naps on
me but as my belly grows, that might become an issue. I can at least get him off the boob for his
naps but if I try to put him down it is over.
And if Orion is still interrupting my nighttime sleep I may be is big
trouble.
I have said jokingly that I have been waiting for Orion to
be able to have a conversation with me about naps, nursing, and sleeping
through the night. Maybe I need to add
having a sibling to that list. Since he
will be 2 in April, I feel we should be at this point where we can talk about
it but he doesn't speak much which kinda freaks me out. He has said 10 words or so but chooses to
speak in his gobbly gook which is indecipherable.
For now, I guess Orion will continue to be an only child. If
we wait too long and can’t get pregnant again, we have talked about adoption. I
know adoption is not easy and no one will just hand us a baby and that it could
take years. Even if we do have a second
child or choose to not get pregnant again we may adopt anyway. We have also talked
about being foster parents. I spent some time working as a driver for a foster
care company and really loved those kids and wonder what they are doing now. Sometimes I even think that when I grow up I
could go into social work and work in the foster care system.
With all the ups and downs of raising Orion, I really do
love being his mom regardless of last night’s dream that had me running away to
Florida with friends then calling Patrick in tears as soon as I arrived that I would
take the next flight home. I have even
thought that no child could ever come anywhere close to the awesomeness that is
Orion. He is so cute and sweet that there is no way to top that. I do know that
it isn't a contest between kids. We will
just have to wait and see if there will be kids. Sometimes making plans is
surest way to be disappointed.
So, I have to admit this is my first time reading your blog, but I love that you think just like me: a bunch of random thoughts in quick succession... I totally understand! Even though I may not have the same medical issues/struggles, my thought process runs very similar to this in regards to #2... will stay tuned and I think add your blog to my list :) I have a list of blog posts to make and maybe someday I'll start writing them :)
ReplyDeleteAmanda
Thank you for reading! I have always enjoyed writing and it helps me process my life and clear my mind. I try to not be perfect on this blog. I could spend weeks writing and editing a post but now i just dump out my brain go over it once and hit publish. You should start writing! Good luck and let me know when your blog is up and running so I can check it out!
DeleteThis is a very good post .Thanks for letting us know some good tips .
ReplyDeleteI like your many articles it will help not only me and also many
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