No, not that 4 letter C word, but one that has equally
negative connotations, I am talking about C-sections. Cesarean sections have gotten a lot of
negative coverage and many moms are made to feel like they are not real women
if they have C-sections. I think this
has got to stop. Yes, C-sections may be unnecessarily
preformed way too often in America but sometimes, it has to be done. I think water birth, home birth, and vaginal
birth are awesome. But don’t feel guilty
or less than because you couldn’t have the birth of your dreams or stick to your
birth plan.
I hate the term birth plan.
As if you could really plan something like the birth of a child. It should be called a birth suggestion
because you really need to be flexible.
What you want, and what the about to be born baby may want could be
completely different. How much do you
like to get out of a nice warm bed on a cold winter morning? I imagine it is kinda like that for about to
be born babies. I know the doc had to
pull me out with forceps. If you have
never given birth, how can you plan something that you really do not understand
even if you have watched all the videos and taken all the prep classes?
I had a C-section. I did not want to have a C-section but I
do not regret having my C-section. I did
get the most beautiful baby out of the experience. I was a high risk pregnancy from the start
and it took me about 9 months before I could even try to get pregnant (really
it took about 5 years). I have M.S. but
I also have all these crazy antibodies which are usually associated with
Lupus. These antibodies can cause the
placenta to age rapidly and suddenly.
For this reason, I had ultrasounds every 2 weeks after the first
trimester then every week during the end of my third trimester. My OB also did not want me to carry beyond my
due date. Really, she didn’t even let me
carry to my due date because it was on a Sunday and they don’t schedule
inductions on the weekend. All in all, my
pregnancy was pretty run of the mill except for that one week of bed rest due
to low amniotic fluid.
I didn’t try anything but walking to bring on labor. I had heard horror stories about women trying
to induce themselves. I think your body
will be ready when it is ready and anything you do to speed things along is
only to keep you and your mind occupied. I am not even convinced that inductions at
hospitals work. I think it is really all
about the timing. Maybe your body was
close to being ready for labor and the induction helped move things along and
you were able to have a vaginal birth.
Maybe your body wasn’t ready for labor and the induction did not help
and you failed to progress and required a C-section. The latter is what happened to me.
I went into the hospital for my induction and they began the
process of ripening my cervix. They said
I was already having contractions (didn’t feel them) when I first showed up and
was 1 cm dilated. They worked on ripening
me up through the night. I woke up in
the dark, maybe 4 or 5 am and I was able to feel the contractions and unable to
sleep. Around 7 am, they started me on Pitocin
which I had requested to start with the least amount possible. The contractions got stronger but my water
had yet to break. So they broke my
water. Eventually, I progressed to 3 cm
but that was as far as I was gonna get.
The contractions got stronger and stronger as they increased the
Pitocin.
I remember watching some teen pregnancy show on TV because,
hey, I was having a baby too. Around 1
in the afternoon, I started to freak out.
I had been told that this was going to be a very big baby. How was I gonna give birth to such a huge
baby? My mom died when I was 25 and
there I was 32 and crying like a baby because all I wanted was my mom. How could I give birth without my mom there
to help me? I had my husband but he was
also freaked out and did not enjoy seeing me in pain. It was at this point that I had the epidural.
Honestly, I felt so fucking good after that epidural. I was relaxed and calm which is a very good
way to be. Aside from being more
comfortable and feeling nicely intoxicated, nothing else progressed. It was around 6 pm, when my OB came by to say
that I had not passed 3 cm and it was time for a C-section. The longer we waited, the high my risk for
infection. They would have done the
operation sooner, but they had been really busy. There was like 20some babies born the day I
had Orion. It was close to 7 when they
finally got me ready for the operation and Orion was born at 7:13 pm.
On the operating table, I could only stare up at the
ceiling. I remember the white form
panels and the grey metal strips between them.
If I looked at those metal strips I could see a slight reflection of
what was going on down below. My husband
sat next to my head but really, I can’t remember what he did or said. He remembers kissing my forehead and stroking
my hair. There were a bunch of people in
the operating room. There was my OB,
another OB, 2 anesthesiologist, 2 or 3 nurses just for the baby, and a few more
for me. I could feel pulling and tugging
and then there was new life in the room.
When I heard him cry, I cried with relief. It was the best sound I had ever heard. He was not too happy about being ripped out
of me and showed it by immediately pissing on one of the nurses. I had a hard time seeing my brand new baby
boy because I couldn’t really move my head.
I think that was mostly fear because my body was open and they were
working on putting me back together.
Patrick brought Orion over to me but I was just too scared. I am glad that Patrick was able to hold our
baby and that Orion was perfectly healthy.
It took about a half hour or close to forever for them to
patch me back up. I was taken to
recovery and then, finally, was able to hold my baby. He smelled like cupcakes. He was so perfect and I think he still
is. Once I could wiggle my big toe
(totally made me think of Uma in Kill Bill) I was able to go up to our room
where we would stay for the next 3 nights.
It took us awhile to get up there because they were slammed with new
babies but we did get a room of our own.
I was worried that I would have a hard time breastfeeding
and bonding with my baby. These fears
were totally unfounded. When Orion was 5
days old, we went to the pediatrician and met with a lactation consultant. When I expressed my fear regarding bond with
my baby she told me about how much she hates hearing that. She eased my fears by telling me that I would
be bonding with my baby every time I held him, feed him, and clothed him. When I came back a few days later to meet
with her again, she gave me an A for my breast feeding skills. I do feel lucky that Orion and I had such an
easy time breastfeeding. I was visited
by 3 different lactation consultants while in the hospital, each had a
different method, and then saw the consultant at my pediatrician’s office, who
was awesome. I understood that
breastfeeding wasn’t this automatic natural skill that babies and moms know how
to work.
Having a C-section is painful, it felt like my belly was
consumed by fire. About 8 hours after
the operation, they came in and got me out of bed to use the bathroom. It hurt so incredibly much and made me wish I
still had the catheter. Somehow, my
husband slept through it on the most uncomfortable hospital chair/bed. Everyday, a few times a day, I had to get up
and walk around, even though it hurt and I wasn’t able to stand up
straight. I was told all this would help
with a speedy recovery. It hurt for a
few weeks with the fire dying as time went on.
Then for a while I felt nothing where my incision was but with time, everything
felt like normal again.
When I got home, I went up and down our stairs only once a
day. I went down those stairs backwards
and very slowly. If you have a
C-section, you really do need someone at home to help. You have just had an operation and now have a
newborn baby, you really can’t take care of both. Thankfully, my husband was home with me for
the first two weeks and I had some far flung visitors come to lend a hand. Aside from doctors visits, I did not leave
the house until Orion was 10 days old and I was in desperate need of strawberry
open face pie.
The upside to having a C-section is that I did not feel all
the pressure to get things done that I had heard many women experience after
vaginal birth. I did not make myself a
to do list of 10 things then beat myself up for only getting 3 of those things
done. And I do love to make a to do list
but I seldom beat myself up about not accomplishing the items on my list. Those first few weeks with the baby, I
focused on taking care of myself, my baby, my husband, and my dogs. That was enough to keep me occupied for a
while.
I had been pregnant for 9 months, about 259 days or 6,216
hours. I did not want to fuck it up in
the last 24 hours. I was too tired and
sacred to argue against the C-section. I
also knew going into the hospital that it was a possibility, especially for me. I am not a doctor, I had never had a baby, I
had never seen a live birth, and I had hardly spent anytime around pregnant
women or babies. I did trust my doctor
and I was going to take her advice. I
knew she wasn’t rushing off to make tee time or tea time or just go home for
the day.
I don’t understand why women like to brag that they were in
labor for 72 hours. So what, do you want
a cookie? Personally, I know my body
and I wouldn’t want to do that because of my health issues. After something like that, I think I would be
useless and bedridden for a week, more than I was after the C-section. Giving birth is not a competitive sport, it
is not something to brag about. Some
women can’t get pregnant, do you want to rub it in their faces. In this heyday of social media, it is way too
easy to hurt other people’s feelings by posting ultrasound photos, making your
kid’s picture your profile picture, or using Facebook to announce a pregnancy. I know I have been guilty of doing some of
these things or asking how someone’s baby was born. Now, I am trying to be more sensitive and
remind myself that it really doesn’t matter how a baby was born. Sometimes we do want to share our birth experience
but I was not the kind of person who wanted to video tape it and show it off.
If you are scheduling a C-section ahead of time to better
fit your life, then I think you are in for a rude awakening. Nothing is more inconvenient than a newborn
baby. The first 6 weeks (or more) with
your baby is on baby’s schedule of doing whatever baby wants whenever baby
wants. I think it is important for a new
mom to be ready, willing, and able to devote themselves entirely to their baby in
those early days. Yes, I do think mommy
needs some alone time but you brought this baby into the world and it is time
for you to take care of your creation.
Orion has been in our lives for almost a year and I wonder
what we ever did before him. Every
single day, my husband and I comment on how firggin' cute he is and how much he
makes us laugh. It is amazing to see him
use his hands, crawl, feed himself and figure things out (he knows if he
presses a certain button on the remote the TV will turn on and he will turn his
gaze towards the TV and celebrate once he manages to turn it on).
So, don’t make me feel bad for having a C-section. What I had was a wonderful, healthy, happy
baby. How my baby came into the world
really does not affect you. What really
matters is what happens when you bring that baby home. How you take care of the new life which you
created will have a much bigger impact on the world. What happens in the hospital is kinda like
Vegas, the memories blur. I know Orion
will not have any memory of his first hospital experience. And let me just say that my night nurse,
Danielle (who was about 4 months pregnant), was awesome! I miss her because she really was a kind and
caring person.
Once Orion turns 2, I hope to try for another baby. I hope to find someone who is confident in me
to help me to have a VBAC, vaginal birth after cesarean. I had always wanted to have a water birth but
that was not an option with my previous doctor.
It is not because I want another chance to do it right but because now I
know what to ask, what to expect, and how to be better prepared. If having a water birth or a VBAC is not a
healthy option for me, that is ok. I
will, hopefully, get pregnant again and have another happy, healthy baby by
C-section.
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